Meet Marley, the latest addition to our family

It has been over a year since we lost our thirteen year old dog, Cassie.  Yes, we missed having a dog around, but it’s been pretty nice without one, too.  No dogs to walk in bad weather.  No vet bills, arthritis meds, or visits to the kennel.  And the carpet stays so much cleaner!  So, logically, you would think that we wouldn’t be interested in getting a new one.  Dogs are great, sure- but even the good ones are a TON of work and why would I deliberately choose to complicate my life, right?  Right??

the nastsy control panel that disturbs my slumber

The window above our heads shook violently, startling my husband and I out of deep sleeps.  We sat up in bed and listened to the frightening wind storm blowing outside.  As our eyes adjusted to the light level in the room, we noticed that both alarm clocks were flashing.  Oops; we’d lost power.  Better re-set those clocks.  I grabbed my cell phone to check the actual time and realized that I had missed a phone call that had come in at 11:30pm, and that the caller had left a voice mail message.   Uh-oh. 

I’m the first phone call our security company makes when our office is shut down and the alarms go off.  Those alarms can go off for many different reasons, but the most common one is because the equipment is old and temperamental.  I know this because I had previously responded to several alarms that turned out to be nothing.  In this particular instance I was 99% sure that it wasn’t theft but a power outage that had caused the problem.  I seriously considered blowing the whole thing off- I told myself that I could go in to the office early in the morning and reset the alarm then. My company does not mandate security systems, so if it wasn’t set for a few hours I wouldn’t be in trouble.  But my conscience wouldn’t let me rest.  What if a burglar was making away with thousands of dollars worth of equipment?  What if the building was on fire?  I decided to get dressed and drive the fifty minutes out to Akron in the middle of the night (and in the storm), just to be sure.

The drive took over an hour.  The winds were gusting at fifty miles per hour and it was raining sideways.  There were sections of the highway where it was all I could do to keep the car in its lane.  The music on my radio was interrupted by an emergency broadcast announcing a severe storm warning in a four-county area.  Geez, you don’t say.

After arriving at the branch, I quickly determined that the issue was indeed that we had lost power.  The generator was running and all doors were secure.  I reset the alarm and headed back out to my car, which was still warm inside. 

Sure, the trip was a waste and I would have been fine waiting until the morning to take care of it.  But if I had ignored that alarm there would have been some permanent damage done- not to the building, but to my opinion of myself.  When you cut corners or shirk your duties, you can’t look yourself in the mirror and say that you give your job your best effort.  And in my opinion, being able to do that is more important than a few hours of lost sleep. 

I  also knew that if could somehow stop scratching, it might scab over before my important meeting the following morning. If it did scab over, then I could put some makeup on it and cover up the redness.  That would help my face look relatively normal.  I put my hands in my lap and visualized a successful meeting.  I pictured myself shaking hands, smiling, receiving a tour of the office, and making an overall good first impression.  But while I was visualizing, my hand had quietly crept up the side of my face and I was scratching again.  Damn.

 The previous Sunday, my family and I had hiked through our friends’ farm, looking for a Christmas tree that we could cut down.  We found one that we all liked in record time.  Then we checked it for both bird’s nests and praying mantis egg pouches (you don’t want those hatching in your house on Christmas Eve!) both of which automatically disqualify a tree from being brought home with us.  We did NOT check it for poison ivy vines. Therefore, we could not have noticed the delicate one wrapping up its trunk.  My husband cut the tree down while I held it up by its infected trunk, and then we took turns dragging it back to our minivan.  We lifted it up onto the roof rack, tied it down, and drove off without realizing that my gloves were covered with crud.  And at some point during that ride home, I must have brushed my hair off the side of my face with my poison ivy-covered glove.   

As I sat on the carpet in one of the Sky Harbor Airport gate areas scratching, I realized how much my appearance had affected my self-confidence.  Normally I travel in my business attire and I feel pretty good about myself.  But on this day my hair was pulled back because it made my face itch when I wore it down.  It had seemed ridiculous to bother with makeup when the side of my face looked like I’d been kissed by a hot iron, so I had left it off.  And since it was a travel day and not a day of meetings, I had on jeans instead of a suit.  This combination of crud and casual look made me slink though the airport avoiding eye contact with everyone, and I sat on the floor rather than have a fellow traveler next to my oozing, throbbing face. 

Of course, I know that my attitude is completely in my own hands.  I may not be able to cure the poison ivy before my meeting, but I certainly have the power to control how I react to it.  I can sit on the floor and mope, or I can take my rightful place in one of the gate area chairs and start preparing for my meeting.  I stand up, brush off my bad attitude, and sit in the closest open chair.  There is a person seated next to the cruddy side of my face, so I make a bet with myself.  If he moves, next year the family buys an artificial Christmas tree from Wal-Mart.  If he stays, then we go back to the tree farm and add poison ivy to the list of things we check for before cutting a tree down. 

He stayed.

10.  Buy a travel set of toiletries.  You don’t want to waste time tracking them down every time you leave the house.

9.  Just because the lights in your own car turn off automatically when you take the keys out doesn’t mean that they do the same thing in your rental car.

8.  You’d be amazed at the amount of jewelery that doesn’t set off the metal detectors in the airport.  And at the amount of liquids that you can smuggle past security in your purse.  This last statement does not apply to half-drank bottles of Diet Coke, however…they’ll call you on those.

7.  Always build in more time to your travel than you’ll need.  Sure, it’s wasted 99% of the time, but you’ll be awfully glad you did when you hit that 1%.

6.  Never completely unpack your suitcase once you arrive home.  It just gives you the opportunity to forget things.

5.  Airport gift shops are a great place to pick up unique birthday and Christmas gifts for your friends and family.  It helps kill time, and it saves you the trouble of scrambling around for these items on your precious days off.

4.  Watching takeoffs, landings, and cloud formations from the window seat of a plane never gets old.

3.  Eating out in restaurants does.

2.  Our bodies all respond differently to the stresses of air travel.  Mine requires lots of water, eye drops, and ibuprofin.  And chocolate.

And my personal favorite lesson learned:

1.  There’s no place like home.

Sometimes Life goes along smoothly, and we are able to happily make progress towards our goals.  And sometimes it doesn’t.   Those bumps in the road slow us down.  And sometimes we slow down to the point where we don’t even know if it is worth the effort to get going again.  “Sure,” you say.  “Maybe Mother Teresa kept going, but I’m certainly no Mother Teresa.”  So I’ll give you a much more down-to-earth example: myself.

I’m committed to spending two hours a day working towards my personal goals.  When things are going well, I hit that goal with no problem.  But this summer it’s been one bump after another.  My mother-in-law with dementia has been living with us for eight weeks.  Bump.  Our house had a bat infestation and a bird mite infestation. Bump bump.  My career has been on hold for six weeks as I wait for information about a promotion I am supposed to be receiving.  Bump.  The basement flooded, my administrative employee quit, and the list goes on and on.  Bump, bump, bump.  I can tell you that these bumps have absolutely slowed me down.  So how do we keep making progress when things get bumpy?

• Adjust your expectations.  When you hit those bumpy patches in Life, give yourself permission to slow down. 
• Plan to accomplish goals weekly or monthly, instead of daily.  This gives you breathing room on those really tough days.
• Celebrate all of your progress.  If you are able to hit a milestone during a bumpy patch, take the time to pat yourself on the back.
• Remember that you are writing your life story.  The hero of a good book always has obstacles to overcome. When you look back over those tough periods, you’ll be so pleased with yourself that you kept going.  And you’ll realize that you cherish those itty bitty steps you took during the hard times more than the giant strides you took during the good times.

Keep going, despite the bumps.  Sure- the average person would stop.  But you aren’t average, are you?

I woke up in a panic, sweating. 

I dreamed about an employee I  laid off last year.  It was her wedding anniversary and her husband was taking her out to a fancy restaurant.  She was dressed beautifully and looked happier and more radiant than I had ever seen her.  Another worker came over and scolded me, saying that I had better tell her she was being laid off before she spent all that money on dinner.  My response was that I couldn’t tell her about the layoff now…I had to wait until the appointed time… and besides, I didn’t want to ruin her night with her husband.  In the dream she overheard me, and looked me directly in the eyes.  “Ruin my night?  With what?” she asked.  That’s when I woke up, thank goodness.

Leadership can be isolating.  You think differently than others, and over time it becomes hard to relate to some people.  You have to keep your company’s confidences.  You make unpopular decisions.  And as you continue to grow as a leader, the gap between you, your friends, and your family can widen too.  The saying “It’s lonely at the top” certainly seems true.  But can we do anything to minimize that isolation? 

• Remember why you became a leader in the first place.   Is it because you love helping people develop?  Do you relish a good challenge?  Do you have a vision that you feel compelled to share, or perhaps you have a need to serve others?  Whatever your reasons might be, they can help steady you on those days when you feel off-balance.
• Network with other leaders.  Find others, either within your company or outside of it, that you can get together with on a regular basis to discuss the different aspects of leadership.  I’m fortunate to have a boss who assembles his managers weekly to discuss leadership.  The conversation is helpful and it feels good knowing you aren’t alone out there.
• Find a leadership mentor.  Most people in leadership positions would be honored to have you ask.  Their experience can be invaluable as you struggle with issues they’ve already experienced.
• Eat some “Attitude Food.”  You are pummelled with negativity every single day.  Make it a personal crusade to keep the negativity out.  I’ve found the best way to do that is to feed my brain inspirational books or CD’s every single day.  Even something as breif as a quote by a famous leader can start your day off right.
• Exercise.  I truly believe that regular exercise fixes just about everything.  In my case, the feeling of well-being that comes over me after I exercise takes away that nagging feeling of isolation and replaces it with satisfaction.  Keeping to a regular exercise schedule also improves my self-confidence. 

Try these tips and notice how much lighter your burdens are.  You will be pleased to discover that it isn’t because you are carrying fewer of them- it’s because you’ve strengthened your back.

We didn’t go away on vacation.  We did not attend a parade or a church service.  There were no cookouts at neighbor’s houses to enjoy.  It would have been a great weekend to straighten things up a bit, but as I look around at the toys on the floor, some in the same place they were in on Friday, I realize I was quite neglectful of this particular duty.  I’m partly proud and partly embarrassed by this fact.  

Below are some of the reasons (excuses) why I never managed to clean everything up.

1. My son found the Luna Moth in this photo on the side of our house near our garden.  We had to photograph it and then research the moth to learn more about it.
2. We had to attend my daughter’s softball game Friday night.  After the trip to Dairy Queen, it was much too late to do any straightening up.
3. One of my daughters had a friend sleep over.  I was busy making sure that our son didn’t harass the girls too much.
4. I went out jogging each day.  I figure my health is more important than the cleanliness of my house.
5. We had campfires Saturday and Sunday night in our side yard at dusk.  I can’t be inside cleaning when there are three children under the age of eleven sitting outside by the fire.
6. My husband and I spent time drinking coffee and talking about the veterans that serve our country- some of whom made the ultimate sacrifice for our freedom- and how much we appreciate them.
7. We had some amazing thunderstorms yesterday; we had to stop what we were doing for a good hour and watch Mother Nature’s show.
8. I caught up on sleep.  
9. The weekly supermarket ritual ate up a couple of hours of my time.
10. The kids and I took our first trip to the beach down the street from our house.  It took an hour to get the kids ready, we spent a few hours there, and then I had to treat them for minor sunburns when we came home.

You see, when Life speeds by us all at such a rapid pace, it seems a shame to spend it making beds.  And Life is way too short to dust- ever.

A ten-year-old’s wisdom

Every now and then, you have an “Ah-Ha!” moment- one that gives you a true glimpse at the philosophical side of life. I had one this week, when I discovered a hand-written list in my ten-year-old daughter’s school bag. 

• Try not to get in trouble at school.  I’m not sure how Kaitlin learned this one, but it sure is true!
• Make sure you have lots of things to do after school.  Boredom is the enemy of happiness.
• Make sure you have friends.  I love the fact that she is taking ownership of nurturing relationships- nice!
• Try to be friendly around your teacher.   A positive outlook always helps, at school and everywhere else.
• Be nice to parents.  We sure can make their lives miserable when they aren’t nice, can’t we?
• Be happy on holidays.  What struck me about this one was that she understands that being happy is a conscious decision that we make.  You go, girl!
• Don’t worry about too many things.  This is true, but tough to do.   I wonder if I could get her to write an essay on the subject?
• Be causouse.  Being cautious can certainly help you avoid costly mistakes that can diminish your happiness.  But I’m sure that some day she’ll learn that taking calculated risks can add to your happiness too.
• Study hard/ Work hard.  I loved this one!  So much of our satisfaction in life comes from a job well done.  Not only can it make you happy in the short term, but it helps to create a brighter future, too!
• Get at least five hours of rest.  While I might need a little more sleep than Kaitlin does to function, I applaud her understanding that taking care of ourselves is paramount to our happiness.  If you don’t have your health, you don’t have anything.
• Try not to dislike people as much.  Well, I just about fell over when I read this one.  How on Earth does a ten-year-old girl understand that our negative perceptions of people harm us?  Its okay to not be friends- you don’t have to like everybody- but don’t put a lot of anger and negative energy into thinking about them.  Wow.

And the final, most inspirational advice on Kaitlin’s list:

• Be happy about what you have.

Thank you , Kaitlin.

Happy 10th birthday, Shelby!

Today marks the tenth anniversary of the most significant day in my life. 

Today is the day my oldest child, Shelby, was born.  About a week after we brought her home from the hospital, I had the second most significant day of my life.  This time, it was because my husband and I had made the decision that I would return to my career, and he would quit his job to stay home and take care of our child. 

I turned to the experts.  I started reading Women at the Topby Diane F. Halpern and Fanny M. Cheung.  They interviewed 62 women in top leadership positions in the US, China, and Hong Kong, that either had children or took care of adult members of their families.   These women DO seem to have it all.  Not only are they successful both at home and at work, but they manage both roles calmly.  Most of them also had rich, rewarding relationships with their husbands.   Here are some of the things I learned:

• Prioritize the important.  Make a list.  Decide what comes first, second, and so on.  This is the first step to fitting everything together.
• Budget your time carefully around your priorities.  If you want to spend quality time with the kids on the weekend, put it on your calendar.  Do your best to keep to that schedule.  Make sure unimportant things don’t eat into time you set aside for the important.
• If it isn’t important, find somebody else to do it.  Outsource!  Enlist other family members to help with things that don’t add value to your day.  This may mean asking them to handle errands, cook, or clean.  If there is nobody to help at home with these things, then pay somebody to do it.  Not only does this allow you to focus on thekey tasks, but it reduces your stress level. 
• Be prepared to let go of your personal time.  The high-achieving women in this particular book set aside hobbies and other enjoyable things.  They had their priorities and understood that to reach the top, they couldn’t have a lot of activities that delayed their progress.
•  Focus on one thing at a time.  Although these women were incredible multi-taskers, when it came to the most important things, they would focus on them 100%.  When they had family time scheduled, they were intensely focused on their children.  When they were working, that was it- they were working. 
• If you need more time, sleep less.  This is not healthy long-term, as we all need a good night’s sleep in order to maintain our health and our performance both at work and at home.  Just the same, many of these women claimed that they stayed up late at night to fit in a few more hours of work.
• Choose a supportive husband.  Most of the women the authors quoted were more successful than their husbands.  In most cases, they women had found husbands who were not threatened by their success.  These men were proud of their wives and were willing to take on more activities at home to help out.  In the cases where the husbands were not supportive, the marriages usually ended in divorce.  When they re-married, they seemed to find the right type of partner the second time around.

Although my specific reason for reading this book was to find out how to balance work and family, it also showed me how much effort it takes to be a working mother at the top of her field.  It put my own life into perspective.  The next time I become tense because there is too much “To Do” list for the time available, I will remember this book and relax.  I’ll make sure I’m working on the things that matter most, and try not to worry about the rest.  And speaking of “rest”, I’ll probably set the alarm clock an hour earlier the next day, too.