Minimizing the Isolation of Leadership

I woke up in a panic, sweating. 

I dreamed about an employee I  laid off last year.  It was her wedding anniversary and her husband was taking her out to a fancy restaurant.  She was dressed beautifully and looked happier and more radiant than I had ever seen her.  Another worker came over and scolded me, saying that I had better tell her she was being laid off before she spent all that money on dinner.  My response was that I couldn’t tell her about the layoff now…I had to wait until the appointed time… and besides, I didn’t want to ruin her night with her husband.  In the dream she overheard me, and looked me directly in the eyes.  “Ruin my night?  With what?” she asked.  That’s when I woke up, thank goodness.

Leadership can be isolating.  You think differently than others, and over time it becomes hard to relate to some people.  You have to keep your company’s confidences.  You make unpopular decisions.  And as you continue to grow as a leader, the gap between you, your friends, and your family can widen too.  The saying “It’s lonely at the top” certainly seems true.  But can we do anything to minimize that isolation? 

• Remember why you became a leader in the first place.   Is it because you love helping people develop?  Do you relish a good challenge?  Do you have a vision that you feel compelled to share, or perhaps you have a need to serve others?  Whatever your reasons might be, they can help steady you on those days when you feel off-balance.
• Network with other leaders.  Find others, either within your company or outside of it, that you can get together with on a regular basis to discuss the different aspects of leadership.  I’m fortunate to have a boss who assembles his managers weekly to discuss leadership.  The conversation is helpful and it feels good knowing you aren’t alone out there.
• Find a leadership mentor.  Most people in leadership positions would be honored to have you ask.  Their experience can be invaluable as you struggle with issues they’ve already experienced.
• Eat some “Attitude Food.”  You are pummelled with negativity every single day.  Make it a personal crusade to keep the negativity out.  I’ve found the best way to do that is to feed my brain inspirational books or CD’s every single day.  Even something as breif as a quote by a famous leader can start your day off right.
• Exercise.  I truly believe that regular exercise fixes just about everything.  In my case, the feeling of well-being that comes over me after I exercise takes away that nagging feeling of isolation and replaces it with satisfaction.  Keeping to a regular exercise schedule also improves my self-confidence. 

Try these tips and notice how much lighter your burdens are.  You will be pleased to discover that it isn’t because you are carrying fewer of them- it’s because you’ve strengthened your back.

It’s Tuesday morning after the Memorial Day weekend. 

We didn’t go away on vacation.  We did not attend a parade or a church service.  There were no cookouts at neighbor’s houses to enjoy.  It would have been a great weekend to straighten things up a bit, but as I look around at the toys on the floor, some in the same place they were in on Friday, I realize I was quite neglectful of this particular duty.  I’m partly proud and partly embarrassed by this fact.  

Below are some of the reasons (excuses) why I never managed to clean everything up.

1. My son found the Luna Moth in this photo on the side of our house near our garden.  We had to photograph it and then research the moth to learn more about it.
2. We had to attend my daughter’s softball game Friday night.  After the trip to Dairy Queen, it was much too late to do any straightening up.
3. One of my daughters had a friend sleep over.  I was busy making sure that our son didn’t harass the girls too much.
4. I went out jogging each day.  I figure my health is more important than the cleanliness of my house.
5. We had campfires Saturday and Sunday night in our side yard at dusk.  I can’t be inside cleaning when there are three children under the age of eleven sitting outside by the fire.
6. My husband and I spent time drinking coffee and talking about the veterans that serve our country- some of whom made the ultimate sacrifice for our freedom- and how much we appreciate them.
7. We had some amazing thunderstorms yesterday; we had to stop what we were doing for a good hour and watch Mother Nature’s show.
8. I caught up on sleep.  
9. The weekly supermarket ritual ate up a couple of hours of my time.
10. The kids and I took our first trip to the beach down the street from our house.  It took an hour to get the kids ready, we spent a few hours there, and then I had to treat them for minor sunburns when we came home.

You see, when Life speeds by us all at such a rapid pace, it seems a shame to spend it making beds.  And Life is way too short to dust- ever.

• Try not to get in trouble at school.  I’m not sure how Kaitlin learned this one, but it sure is true!
• Make sure you have lots of things to do after school.  Boredom is the enemy of happiness.
• Make sure you have friends.  I love the fact that she is taking ownership of nurturing relationships- nice!
• Try to be friendly around your teacher.   A positive outlook always helps, at school and everywhere else.
• Be nice to parents.  We sure can make their lives miserable when they aren’t nice, can’t we?
• Be happy on holidays.  What struck me about this one was that she understands that being happy is a conscious decision that we make.  You go, girl!
• Don’t worry about too many things.  This is true, but tough to do.   I wonder if I could get her to write an essay on the subject?
• Be causouse.  Being cautious can certainly help you avoid costly mistakes that can diminish your happiness.  But I’m sure that some day she’ll learn that taking calculated risks can add to your happiness too.
• Study hard/ Work hard.  I loved this one!  So much of our satisfaction in life comes from a job well done.  Not only can it make you happy in the short term, but it helps to create a brighter future, too!
• Get at least five hours of rest.  While I might need a little more sleep than Kaitlin does to function, I applaud her understanding that taking care of ourselves is paramount to our happiness.  If you don’t have your health, you don’t have anything.
• Try not to dislike people as much.  Well, I just about fell over when I read this one.  How on Earth does a ten-year-old girl understand that our negative perceptions of people harm us?  Its okay to not be friends- you don’t have to like everybody- but don’t put a lot of anger and negative energy into thinking about them.  Wow.

And the final, most inspirational advice on Kaitlin’s list:

• Be happy about what you have.

Thank you , Kaitlin.

Our success professionally is directly linked to how well we communicate.   We have the ability to reach our entire organizations with just a few key strokes, and yet we receive little direction in how best to use it.  Below I have provided some tips to help build rapport- and avoid trouble- with your email recipients. 

THE DONT’S-

• Don’t email bad news.  In my office we call this “hiding behind email.”  Pick up the phone or visit the person instead. 
• Don’t email to blame.  Sure, it may be tempting to point out the errors that other people make, but take a deep breath and write about solutions to the problem instead.
• Don’t email angry.  My boss told me a long time ago, “If it feels good to write it, DON’T send it.”  I’ve followed that advice many times and I’ve never regretted it.  Sure, type out the thoughts to get them out of your system, but don’t hit your send key- hit your delete key instead. 
• Don’t complain.  With so many of our professional relationships tied to email, it may be hard to determine who is friend and who is foe.  Don’t assume that the person you are writing to will keep your complaint confidential.  The forward key is just one click away.
• Don’t try to impress others.   This is trickier than it sounds!  Sure, we’ve all seen emails that were blatantly boastful, but that isn’t what I’m talking about.  I’m talking about the ones where you are deliberately adding information that isn’t relevant in the hopes of impressing your email audience.  Filter these out of your writing by asking yourself what the main objective of your email is, and then sticking with it.  The best way of impressing fellow employees with email is by writing them well.

THE DO’S-

• Do praise co-workers.  If a fellow employee consistently goes above and beyond the call of duty, why not send them an email telling them how much you appreciate their efforts?  Better yet, send it to their manager and copy them on it. 
• Do send project status updates.  Projects can be complex and take a long time to complete; send out periodic updates to communicate the progress that has been made.
• Do communicate changes to company procedure.  Email is a great tool for communicating changes quickly to the entire organization.  However, complicated changes should be communicated over a teleconference first and then emailed as reinforcement.
• Do keep your emails professional.  Before I hit the send button I ask myself, “If this email was accidentally cc’ed to the entire organization, would I be embarrassed?”  If the answer is yes, I re-write it.

Most of this advice is common sense, but it isn’t easy to follow.  I really struggle with a couple of these points myself.  But if we follow it to the best of our ability, we will become more skillful in our use of this important business tool.

Before I purchased this audio program, I would have told you that charisma was confidence, energy, and being passionate.  When I learned that there were ten qualities-not three-I was curious to learn what the other seven were.  Did I have them?  And if I didn’t, could I learn them?  Being more charismatic could only help my personal and professional success, so I bought the six CD set from Nightingale-Conant. 

The first CD was a general explanation of why charisma is important.  For me, it was too long; I already understood the importance of charisma.  I wanted to get right down to the qualities themselves. Fortunately, from there things became more interesting. 

I learned that there were other qualities, such as how you look (it isn’t just your clothing), how you listen to others (who would have thought it?), and your ability to speak that contribute to your overall charisma.  I especially like how Tony Alessandra had quizzes included.  They helped me to figure out how strong my charisma was in each category.  The set came with a CD workbook and a bonus live CD of Tony talking about becoming “people smart”. 

I was surprised to learn how closely charisma mirrored all of the qualities of leadership.  But now as I think about it, most strong leaders are very charismatic.  It only makes sense that the two would be linked together.

Overall, I would rate this a 4 on my 1-5 scale.  It was entertaining and also helped me to identify several areas where I can improve.    I have listened to the complete audio program in my car three times so far, and I’m sure I’ll listen to it several more before I’m through.

Electronic mail.  It has completely changed how we communicate. 

When is the last time you received a hand-written letter?  Or found an actual memorandum in your office mail slot?  Your telephone isn’t as busy at work as it used to be, is it. But the big question is, can you admit that you’ve sent an e-mail to somebody that only sits two desks away from you… while they were SITTING there?

It’s amazing how much the rules of communication have changed in the last fifteen years.  Still more amazing to me is the fact that most of us have never received formal training on how to use email effectively.  We haven’t had much training in business writing either.  I’ve researched this subject for two reasons: 

1. I tried to purchase a course on how to write effective emails for my office but I couldn’t find one.  There are business writing courses and regular writing courses, but nothing targeted just to email. 
2. After working on this blog for awhile, I realized I was badly in need of a refresher course in punctuation myself.

Below are some tips to help make your email communications more effective.

• Tailor your writing style to your audience.  Are they casual or formal people?  Are they detail-oriented, or do they just want the highlights?  Take these things into consideration before you start typing, and write an email that fits their style.  If you aren’t sure of their style, here are some general facts about most office workers:  we receive over one hundred emails a day, and most of us read at the ninth-grade level.  This means you should use simple words to get your point across, and use less of them when possible.   This goes for emails to executives as well.  The temptation here is to write long, wordy emails that you think make you look smart.  Don’t bother- stick with simple language and sentences.  Pay attention to your spelling and punctuation instead.  They will be more impressed that you can get to the point quickly than they will be if you insert fancy words like “dimorphic” and “mnemonic” into your writing.  Go ahead, look them up- I had to.
• Avoid run-on sentences.  You’ve seen them- sentences that are a full paragraph long. If you aren’t sure if you tend to write with run-on’s, ask an objective co-worker.  You can also count the number of words between your periods.  If you tend to have more than twenty words in your sentences, you may be guilty of run-ons.  My advice here is to read your sentences to yourself before you hit that “send” button.  Make sure you have puctuation in the spots where your voice naturally pauses.  Short pauses can be designated with commas, but long pauses usually require periods.  If you are trying to use commas and your sentences become confusing when you read them , try breaking them up in to two or more complete thoughts with periods at the end. 
• Don’t rely on your spelling/ grammar checkers!  They simply don’t catch everything.  Sure, hit the “ABC” button before you hit the “Send” button- but you should also proofread your emails.  Make sure you are using the right forms of words.  “To”, “two” and “too” all have different meanings- be sure to know them.  I can’t tell you how often I’ve seen the wrong forms of these simple words in emails.  Keep a pocket dictionary at your desk, and use it.  If you are not 100% sure that you are using or spelling a word correctly, look it up.  It only takes a moment and over time it will help you to become a better writer.

Remember that your emails are part of your business persona.  Taking the time to write them effectively can significantly improve your co-workers’ impressions of you.

One of the most challenging tasks for me as a working mother is balancing work and family.   It doesn’t matter which role I’m working on- I feel guilty about not spending enough time on the other one.  The end result is no matter how hard I work on a given day, at the end of it some part of me feels dissatisfied with how well I performed.  Many working mothers are in much more demanding jobs than I am- how do they do it?  Can a working mother “have it all?”

I turned to the experts.  I started reading Women at the Topby Diane F. Halpern and Fanny M. Cheung.  They interviewed 62 women in top leadership positions in the US, China, and Hong Kong, that either had children or took care of adult members of their families.   These women DO seem to have it all.  Not only are they successful both at home and at work, but they manage both roles calmly.  Most of them also had rich, rewarding relationships with their husbands.   Here are some of the things I learned:

• Prioritize the important.  Make a list.  Decide what comes first, second, and so on.  This is the first step to fitting everything together.
• Budget your time carefully around your priorities.  If you want to spend quality time with the kids on the weekend, put it on your calendar.  Do your best to keep to that schedule.  Make sure unimportant things don’t eat into time you set aside for the important.
• If it isn’t important, find somebody else to do it.  Outsource!  Enlist other family members to help with things that don’t add value to your day.  This may mean asking them to handle errands, cook, or clean.  If there is nobody to help at home with these things, then pay somebody to do it.  Not only does this allow you to focus on thekey tasks, but it reduces your stress level. 
• Be prepared to let go of your personal time.  The high-achieving women in this particular book set aside hobbies and other enjoyable things.  They had their priorities and understood that to reach the top, they couldn’t have a lot of activities that delayed their progress.
•  Focus on one thing at a time.  Although these women were incredible multi-taskers, when it came to the most important things, they would focus on them 100%.  When they had family time scheduled, they were intensely focused on their children.  When they were working, that was it- they were working. 
• If you need more time, sleep less.  This is not healthy long-term, as we all need a good night’s sleep in order to maintain our health and our performance both at work and at home.  Just the same, many of these women claimed that they stayed up late at night to fit in a few more hours of work.
• Choose a supportive husband.  Most of the women the authors quoted were more successful than their husbands.  In most cases, they women had found husbands who were not threatened by their success.  These men were proud of their wives and were willing to take on more activities at home to help out.  In the cases where the husbands were not supportive, the marriages usually ended in divorce.  When they re-married, they seemed to find the right type of partner the second time around.

Although my specific reason for reading this book was to find out how to balance work and family, it also showed me how much effort it takes to be a working mother at the top of her field.  It put my own life into perspective.  The next time I become tense because there is too much “To Do” list for the time available, I will remember this book and relax.  I’ll make sure I’m working on the things that matter most, and try not to worry about the rest.  And speaking of “rest”, I’ll probably set the alarm clock an hour earlier the next day, too.

Tags: balancing work family

 Most of us had never heard of Governor Sarah Palin prior to her run for Vice President of the United States in 2008.  As a working mother, I find her absolutely fascinating.  Not only was she the governor of the state of Alaska, she is also a mother of five children, one of whom has Down’s syndrome. She looks just as comfortable in a skirt and a pair of pumps as she does hauling red salmon onto a slippery boat deck in Bristol Bay.  How on Earth does she do it all?  As I watched the campaign unfold, I became very frustrated with the media attacks on her.  The frustration compounded when the campaign headquarters refused to respond to any of the wild stories about Sarah.  I’ve been looking forward learning more about Ms. Palin for as long as I’ve been aware of her.  Now I’m happy to share my thoughts on her book with working moms everywhere!

I was hoping to learn three things from her book: 

1.  How did she balance work and family life, and did she have any insight that would benefit me and my family?

2.  What was her personal response to all of the media’s accusations?

3.  What are her future political plans?

     This book treated me to a stirring view of Alaska.  Ms. Palin wrote about it with such as passion that I found myself looking at houses for sale in Alaska on the Internet.  I learned a little bit about the fishing industry, the oil industry, and I also found a very interesting use for duct tape (I’m not going to tell you what Alaskans use it for- you’ll have to read the book yourself.)  I gained a sense for the independent spirit of the people up there, and it made me wish that I saw more of that in the people in my state.  She told stories of growing up that also helped me better understand the work ethic in Alaska. 

     Sarah Palin walks her readers through the entire election, from the first phone call from Senator John McCain asking if she would be interested, all the way to resigning from her post as governor of Alaska.  She tells us her side of all the stories that we read about in the paper or heard about on television.  Those stories confirm my worst fears about our liberal media.   I also think that her campaign headquarters deliberately sabotaged their efforts at winning the election.  There were actually sections of this book that made me so angry that I had to take a break from reading it to calm down.

     The book is written in an easygoing, conversational style that was simple to follow and fast to read.  The stories were interesting, revealing, and educational.  The only element of the style that I did not care for was her talking about God.  I understand and respect her faith, but I prefer to not read about it. It makes me uncomfortable as I don’t like to become that intimate with people’s thoughts.  For the most part, I could relate to Ms. Palin and her stories; especially how she interacted with her children during the campaign.  At one point she shares with us how she went trick-or-treating on Halloween with her daughter Piper and her son Trig between campaign stops.  That resonated with the working mom in me, as I am always trying to make sure that no one aspect of my life suffers at the hand of another.

     Did the book meet my three expectations?  Yes and no.  It answered all of my questions about the media’s coverage of the campaign.  I did get a sense for how Sarah managed her work and her family, but it certainly wasn’t a “how to” book by any means. I didn’t expect it to be, but I had hoped to learn more.  And what of her post-politics plans?  She seems to be leaving it up to God to help her determine the best way to serve her nation next.  

     I give this book a Business Mom rating of 3.  If you are interested in the story of Sarah Palin- either because you are curious after following the elections, or  because of her significance in American history, I would recommend it to you.   I enjoyed my time reading this one and I am looking forward to following her career, wherever God may lead it.

We’ve all made them at one time or another.  Some of our attempts have been successful, but the overwhelming majority of New Year’s resolutions fade away shortly after the hangovers subside and the holiday decorations are packed away.  Why are New Year’s resolutions so hard to accomplish?    My personal experience points to four main reasons:

1. Our resolutions lack passion.  We frequently choose ones that are somthing that we feel we should do (stop smoking, save money, etc.), not something that we really want to do. 
2. We aren’t disciplined enough to carry the resolutions out. 
3. We neglect to set up a well-defined plan for making the resolution stick.
4. We lose our focus on them. 

What can be done to increase your chances of success?  First of all, make sure the resolution is something that you want very badly.  You should feel a strong emotional attachement to the goal.  That emotion and energy will help you muster up the discipline that you’ll need for the road ahead.  Your emotional attachment to your goal will override any short-term gain you will get from straying off the path.  Take time to visualize what you and your life will be like when you accomplish your goal. Do this at least one and preferably twice a day.  Make sure you determine what the steps are that you need to take to to accomplish the resolution, and put a time limit on it.

If at first you don’t succeed, try try again.  If after multiple attempts you don’t make progress, give yourself permission to let go.

Have you ever had a goal that you struggled with over and over again?  Something that you have been working on for years with spotty success?  Chances are you don’t have the passion that you need to accomplish it.  I’m not advocating “giving up”; make sure you have given your goals several honest attempts first.  But if you find yourself continually pounding your head into a wall, it might make sense to turn your body and point yourself in another direction where you can actually make progress.

Tags: Successful Living