It was a beauty; larger and shinier than our old one. My husband Ed stuck big, gold numbers on the side and walked up the driveway to screw it into its post. He was excited- our old box had been the target of vandalism many times and hadn’t worked properly in months. We knew it would be hit again, but we were hoping to enjoy a brief period of time where our mailbox looked as nice as our house did.
It lasted exactly fourteen hours.
At 5:40am the following day, it became just like the mailbox it replaced- junk.
It wasn’t the only mailbox hit that morning. Our next door neighbor’s box was hit so hard that he found it in the wood behind its post. Other mailboxes looked to have been hit too, but on a country road like ours it’s hard to tell new mailbox damage from old. We were sure ours had been the main target; as our neigbor put it, “You can’t put fresh bait out and expect them not to take it.”
Ed was furious. He banged the dents out as best he could. After watching our mailman struggle to shut it, Ed began making plans with the neigbor to catch the vagrants responsible. After all, when they realize the box is still functional they will be back for another round of Mailbox Wars.
As a manager and mother of three, my solution is to remove the source of the conflict by switching to a post office box. Ed flatly refused. He said that was the same as admitting defeat. We discussed the various tamper-resistant mailboxes on the market, but we made no plans to purchase any of them. They are expensive and they don’t stop crafty teenagers. One of our neigbors has a tamper-resistant box, and when the vandals want to damage it they just run over it with their cars.
The event bothered me all day. It wasn’t that the box was damaged- I don’t take that personally. What bothered me was that Ed was choosing to fight a battle for which there is no end and no chance of victory. But I think now I understand.
Mailbox Wars are a miniature version of life’s struggles. We can’t control what happens to us, only how we respond. My husband has chosen to never, ever give up. That attitude is worth any price- and certainly worth the price of a few black metal boxes with flags on them.
Here we all are, paused, at the top of the roller coaster of the calendar year. We are about to plunge into the Holiday Season- the final six weeks. Sure it is a wild, exhilarating ride- special school programs, family visits, and plenty of traditional food. But it is a stressful time. There are too many events crammed into schedules that already had too few hours in them. Pressures at work are mounting, too; next year’s forecasts are due, year end goals aren’t yet complete, and half the staff is on vacation. The ride to December 31st is intense, leaving us out of breath, eyes streaming, with our hair disheveled. Is there any way to put the breaks on, just for a little while?
Yes. I recommend “Doing Nothing.”
Christopher Robin explains how to Do Nothing in The World of Pooh by A.A. Milne. He is having a conversation with Winnie the Pooh about favorite things. When Pooh asks Christopher Robin what he likes to do best, he answers, “What I like doing best is Nothing.” “How do you do Nothing?” asked Pooh, after he had wondered for a long time. “Well, it’s when people call out at you just as you’re going off to do it, ‘what are you going to do, Christopher Robin’, and you say, ‘Oh, Nothing.’ And then you go and do it.” “Oh, I see” said Pooh. (I don’t think he did see, really.) Christopher Robin then clarified it a bit. “It means just going along, listening to all the things you can’t hear, and not bothering.”
If that explanation doesn’t help you, here are a few of my favorite ways of Doing Nothing:
* Throw rocks into the puddle in my driveway with my youngest daughter
* Crawl back into bed mid-morning on a Saturday for no reason other than it is warm and cozy
* Sit on a chair in the back yard while the kids play on the swings and let the sun warm my face
* Perch on the edge of a bed to watch one of my children sleep
* Wander around the yard and down my street after everyone goes to bed, watching the clouds race in front of the moon.
In other words, Doing Nothing.
Any of these activities put the breaks on the holiday roller coaster. They give you a chance to catch your breath, wipe your eyes, and fix your hair before the wild ride of Life continues.
Tags: Business, Family Life, Successful Living, women and business
The word is whispered around a cubicle wall- layoffs.
The office productivity stops. Employees look around to see if anybody is missing. The conference room door is closed and the managers are all in there. The rumors are confirmed by cars leaving the parking lot too early in the day. Nobody breathes. Finally, management makes the official announcement of what everybody already knows- there have been some layoffs within the organization today. They assure the staff that they are complete and that there will be no more for the time being. Everyone returns to work, shaken but glad that the layoffs are over.
But they really aren’t over yet. Somebody has to clean out the belongings of the people that were escorted out of the building. That’s my job- the “Office Cleaner-Outer.”
I’ve packed up many boxes over my management career. More than any other part of the layoff process, this is the toughest one for me. It gives you an intimate look into the window of your employee’s lives- one that you probably should have made a greater effort to know when you still had the chance.
When you clean out an office, you collect up all the pictures of these people that you don’t recognize. There are prescription bottles for people that you didn’t know were sick. Then there are the mementos- a fortune out of a cookie that has been taped up on the computer monitor. Some dried flowers from a special occasion. And a goofy email that was funny enough to be printed and tacked up on a bulletin board. All of these artifacts give you great insight into your ex-employee’s life.
Cleaning out offices has had an interesting side effect on my own office; I’ve removed almost all of my personal belongings. Is it because I understand so well how fleeting employment can be? Or because I don’t want anybody intruding on my personal space? No- it is for a more practical reason. The mom in me doesn’t want anybody to have to “pick up after me” if I’m ever laid off. There is a small cardboard box in one drawer that contains all my personal items except a couple of family pictures. I can wipe away all memory of my existence from that office in the same amount of time it takes me to grab my purse.
I’m being sentimental, but I am really thankful for this role. It forces me to think long and hard about the lives I will disrupt before I make decisions about letting people go. I think that everyone who has the power to reduce headcount should also hold the responsibility of cleaning out offices after the people are gone. What is the antidote for the remorse of the Office Cleaner-Outer? Sit and relax with your employees regularly, noticing their decorations in their offices and cubicles. Each item holds a story that they would love to tell you. Know them- really know them- while you can.
Shelby’s crying again. My eyes tear up as I give her one last hug. I promise I’ll be home soon, but that doesn’t stop the sniffing. We smile sadly at each other as I open the front door and walk out into the dark, chilly October morning. I’m off on another business trip.
Once that door is shut, I can look forward to the journey. Sure, I’ll miss my daughter and the rest of my family like crazy. But the occasional business trip is good for the working mom. There are elegant meals that we don’t have to cook, pay for, or clean up after. There are king-sized beds with mountains of pillows that we can hog all to ourselves. And there are no small children or pets to disturb our slumber. Ahh- can’t you taste the hotel room coffee already? But before I can enjoy any of this, I have to fly to Phoenix.
I never take the magic of flight for granted. You’ll always find me in the window seat with the shade open. Most of the people on board look like they are traveling on business. You could say that I do too, but I’m really still Mom, watching the unfolding scenery through the eyes of my children. As the plane takes off, I am treated to a view of the fall foliage from the air. I’ve never flown in the fall before, and the colors and patterns are gorgeous. The trees are soon obstructed by thin, wispy clouds. “Cirrus clouds!” my son Cole would shout. He likes everything about weather, and I know he would love this view. The plane reaches its cruising altitude of 36,000 feet, where the clouds look like fluffy mountains. If Cole were with me, he’d be pointing at them saying, “Cumulonimbus! Wow!”
The flight attendants serve breakfast. I save the tiny box of raisins for my daughter Sarah and the muffin for Shelby. I eat the Honey Chex cereal out of its little disposable bowl and think again of Cole. He would love this flavor. I’ll have to buy it for him when I get home.
Outside, the clouds are now smooth and flat. They seem more like ground covered with snow than floating water vapor. A rainbow appears, looking as though it was spray painted on the clouds. The illusion continues as the plane heads west. I watch for a long time before I realize that I have absent-mindedly eaten all of the raisins. Oh well; Sarah has raisins at home. I eat the muffin too.
I doze off with my head leaning against the window. Not for long, unfortunately – we hit turbulence. The infant a few seats away fusses, which makes me miss the kids again. I can see the reason for the bumping; we are flying over a mountain range. I decide that I would explain turbulence to the kids as being when the wind bounces off the mountains and into our plane. I have no idea if I’m right or not.
The decent into Phoenix starts. The desert is broken up only by small lakes. They all have funny shapes; one looks like a lizard and another looks like a shark. Shelby, Cole and Sarah would have so much fun naming their shapes, like they do with clouds. The ground gets closer and soon I am watching cars travel on roads. I see a baseball field. A cactus. The wheels grab the tarmac and I imagine my children shouting “Hurray! We made it!”
Now it is time to turn on the cell phone, grab the laptop, and put my family out of my mind for the next few hours. After all, I’m a grown-up on an important business trip. But before I do, I recall something I said to Shelby before I left.
Tags: Business, Family Life, Successful Living, women and business
How much time do you spend thinking?
For all of us in leadership roles, it is critical that we carve time out of our days for thinking. It affects our creativity, our ability to strategize, and it improves our overall performance in all aspects of our lives. Dr. John Maxwell, famous author and expert on leadership, recommends that we spend 20% of our time engaged in deep thinking.
It isn’t that easy, though. Both Life and technology do a pretty good job of distracting us from taking the time that we should. The list of distrations is endless, but here are some of the worst offenders:
- EMAIL. Most of us are too tempted by the unopened letter icon on our computers to focus on our current tasks; we pull away our focus which causes even the simplest tasks to take longer.
- KIDS. Don’t get me wrong- I love spending time with my children- but between softball practice, breaking up fights, and picking Moon Sand out of the carpet, it’s pretty hard to have any quality thinking time when they are awake.
- TELEVISION. Sure, there is some great quality programming out there. But most television just eats away at your time and at your life. According to the latest Nielson rating, the average American watches 4.5 hours of television a day. That’s a full two months of your life GONE every year.
- COMPUTER/ VIDEO GAMES. How many times have you intended to play for “just a few minutes” and looked up at a clock to see that an hour or more of time had elapsed?
Sure, there’s lots of distractions. How do we put the thinking time back into our days? Here are some suggestions:
- PLAN YOUR DAYS AROUND THINKING TIME. Put it on your calendar daily and build the rest of your schedule around it. It can be your most productive, effective time; be protective of it.
- GET UP EARLY. Family life is distracting and most houses are quiet in the wee hours of the morning. All the really successful people I’ve questioned are all early risers.
- HAVE A SPOT DEDICATED TO THINKING. It could be anywhere; a chair, a desk, or perhaps a special room that you go to when you are thinking. If at all possible use that spot just for thinking. Once you use it regularly your brain will immediately click into thinking mode as soon as you sit down.
- EXERCISE. It brings more oxygen to the brain. It also slows down your mental activity to a point where you can listen better to what your brain has to say. I’m a jogger, and I’m absolutely amazed at the wonderful, deep thoughts that come to me when I’m out on the road. When you exercise, try leaving the tv and the ipod off. Let everything be quiet so that inspiration can come to you.
- TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOUR COMMUTE. If you can keep the radio and the cell phone off, you’ll give your brain another opportunity to talk to you. And if you keep a digital voice recorder in your car you can easily record your thoughts without driving off the road.
When you make room in your life for thinking on a regular basis, it means that you’ll have to take that time from somewhere else. We all only have 24 hours in a day. Hopefully you can find room by cutting out some of the time-wasters above. If not, I’d suggest that cleaning the house is a good place to start…after all, that Moon Sand will still be there waiting for you after you’ve had your thinking time, won’t it?
Tags: Business, Leadership, Success, women and business, Women and leadership
Have you ever wondered how really successful people get that way? How do they accomplish so much with what appears to be so little effort? I’m talking about REAL people here; not the ones in the self-help books or the great leaders in history. I’m talking about the ones who live near you. They sit next to you at soccer practice. They park near you at the supermarket (okay, they probably drive a better car than you but the gist is that they pretty much go through life like the rest of us.) How do they do it?
I recently had the opportunity to have lunch with a man that meets my definition of “successful”. He cares about and is very involved in his family. He is charitable. And he is constantly growing and developing personally. And yes, he is wealthy.
We discussed the role that setting and executing goals plays on one’s success. What follows are some of the many insights he gave me during our lunch together.
- LOOK AT LIFE TEN MINUTES AT A TIME. I’ve tried this, and I can tell you that it’s really painful. So much of our time leaks away from us ten minutes at a time. Identify where those holes are and plug them up so that you don’t leak time out of them anymore.
This particular entrepreneur is up every day at 5am, even though he is technically retired at the moment. That’s something I’ve noticed about successful people- they always get up early.
- NO EXCUSES. We all have them and know how to use them. Successful people understand that all aspects of their business and life are ultimately their personal responsibility. When they look in a mirror they don’t see the reflection through a mist of excuses. They see a raw image with all of its triumphs and imperfections. Having a “no excuses” frame of mind leads nicely into the next point, which is…
- LEARN FROM YOUR CHALLENGS. AT THE END OF THE DAY LEAVE IT BEHIND YOU AND PRESS ON. Accept responsibility, yes, but forgive yourself, learn from the mistakes and keep moving forward. Remeber that we learn more from our mix-ups than we do from our successes sometimes.
That’s another thing about successful people. They never stop trying. They understand that you don’t fail until you give up. They are this way because they believe the next point, which is…
- I AM GOING TO DO IT. Believe in yourself and your subconscious mind will find ways to make that belief come true. It will help you plot your course to your goals.
The next one is one of my favorite points. It really surprised me that he talked about it, but it sums things up so nicely…
- YOU SHOULD BE SMILING EVERY DAY OF YOUR LIFE. Huh? Think about it. If you are in control of all aspects of your life and you are working dilligently towards your life’s goals, then you should be happy, shouldn’t you? So many people go through life dissatisfied or worse, downright miserable. If you don’t like your life, you have the power to change it.
I have one more thing about this interview that I’d like to share with you. My meeting with this gentleman was not an accident. I realized that in order to continue my personal growth I needed to find people with the knowledge that I was seeking. It was uncomfortable and akward to ask him, but I just told myself I AM GOING TO DO IT and sure enough, I did!
Tags: Success, Successful Living, women and business, Women and leadership
Sarah and her entourage enjoying the Junk Stroller
I own one of those jogging strollers that holds two children. It’s been a member of our family ever since child # 2 was born seven years ago. Whenever the weather was good I would take the two children out for a weekend jog. At first it held Shelby and Cole, then Cole and Sarah, and now just Sarah and her Care Bear collection.
It isn’t the best looking stroller. When I first purchased it new it was dark blue. Now it has weathered to a purple-gray color. There are bird droppings on it. There are dried spider egg sacks dangling from the bottom of it. And it holds the stains of a hundred Popsicles. Yes, I did try to clean it once but the results weren’t impressive enough to ever attempt it again. The tires lose their air quickly and the front wheel wobbles and clacks when it rotates.
Sarah will have outgrown it by next season, so I’ve resisted the urge to buy a newer, single version. I looked them up on Craig’s List early this past spring but I just couldn’t bring myself to spend $50.00 or more on something I’d only be using for a few months. I’m not sure why; goodness knows I’ve spent $50.00 on dumber things before.
I really haven’t spent too much time thinking about it until we went to a birthday party this past weekend. There were twenty shiny, nice cars lined up the length of the driveway. There was one junky stroller- mine. At one point during the party I glanced over at it and saw just how shabby it looked, and I wondered what people thought of us. When we were leaving (early, because the sun was setting and we had to walk the mile home before dark) one of the dads approached us and offered us a ride home. I believe that he thought we didn’t have access to a car and had walked out of necessity. His look of charity turned to one of puzzlement when I tried to explain to him that we had deliberately walked over for the exercise. Sigh.
While jogging today I reflected on the stroller some more. I thought about the different bits of wear and tear on it as proof of many years of honorable and selfless service to our family. Heck, at leat it hasn’t spent the last seven years parked in the garage!
Tags: Family Life
Photo of the Owl Nebula, taken from the SLOOH telescope