Meet Marley, the latest addition to our family

It has been over a year since we lost our thirteen year old dog, Cassie.  Yes, we missed having a dog around, but it’s been pretty nice without one, too.  No dogs to walk in bad weather.  No vet bills, arthritis meds, or visits to the kennel.  And the carpet stays so much cleaner!  So, logically, you would think that we wouldn’t be interested in getting a new one.  Dogs are great, sure- but even the good ones are a TON of work and why would I deliberately choose to complicate my life, right?  Right??

the nastsy control panel that disturbs my slumber

The window above our heads shook violently, startling my husband and I out of deep sleeps.  We sat up in bed and listened to the frightening wind storm blowing outside.  As our eyes adjusted to the light level in the room, we noticed that both alarm clocks were flashing.  Oops; we’d lost power.  Better re-set those clocks.  I grabbed my cell phone to check the actual time and realized that I had missed a phone call that had come in at 11:30pm, and that the caller had left a voice mail message.   Uh-oh. 

I’m the first phone call our security company makes when our office is shut down and the alarms go off.  Those alarms can go off for many different reasons, but the most common one is because the equipment is old and temperamental.  I know this because I had previously responded to several alarms that turned out to be nothing.  In this particular instance I was 99% sure that it wasn’t theft but a power outage that had caused the problem.  I seriously considered blowing the whole thing off- I told myself that I could go in to the office early in the morning and reset the alarm then. My company does not mandate security systems, so if it wasn’t set for a few hours I wouldn’t be in trouble.  But my conscience wouldn’t let me rest.  What if a burglar was making away with thousands of dollars worth of equipment?  What if the building was on fire?  I decided to get dressed and drive the fifty minutes out to Akron in the middle of the night (and in the storm), just to be sure.

The drive took over an hour.  The winds were gusting at fifty miles per hour and it was raining sideways.  There were sections of the highway where it was all I could do to keep the car in its lane.  The music on my radio was interrupted by an emergency broadcast announcing a severe storm warning in a four-county area.  Geez, you don’t say.

After arriving at the branch, I quickly determined that the issue was indeed that we had lost power.  The generator was running and all doors were secure.  I reset the alarm and headed back out to my car, which was still warm inside. 

Sure, the trip was a waste and I would have been fine waiting until the morning to take care of it.  But if I had ignored that alarm there would have been some permanent damage done- not to the building, but to my opinion of myself.  When you cut corners or shirk your duties, you can’t look yourself in the mirror and say that you give your job your best effort.  And in my opinion, being able to do that is more important than a few hours of lost sleep. 

I  also knew that if could somehow stop scratching, it might scab over before my important meeting the following morning. If it did scab over, then I could put some makeup on it and cover up the redness.  That would help my face look relatively normal.  I put my hands in my lap and visualized a successful meeting.  I pictured myself shaking hands, smiling, receiving a tour of the office, and making an overall good first impression.  But while I was visualizing, my hand had quietly crept up the side of my face and I was scratching again.  Damn.

 The previous Sunday, my family and I had hiked through our friends’ farm, looking for a Christmas tree that we could cut down.  We found one that we all liked in record time.  Then we checked it for both bird’s nests and praying mantis egg pouches (you don’t want those hatching in your house on Christmas Eve!) both of which automatically disqualify a tree from being brought home with us.  We did NOT check it for poison ivy vines. Therefore, we could not have noticed the delicate one wrapping up its trunk.  My husband cut the tree down while I held it up by its infected trunk, and then we took turns dragging it back to our minivan.  We lifted it up onto the roof rack, tied it down, and drove off without realizing that my gloves were covered with crud.  And at some point during that ride home, I must have brushed my hair off the side of my face with my poison ivy-covered glove.   

As I sat on the carpet in one of the Sky Harbor Airport gate areas scratching, I realized how much my appearance had affected my self-confidence.  Normally I travel in my business attire and I feel pretty good about myself.  But on this day my hair was pulled back because it made my face itch when I wore it down.  It had seemed ridiculous to bother with makeup when the side of my face looked like I’d been kissed by a hot iron, so I had left it off.  And since it was a travel day and not a day of meetings, I had on jeans instead of a suit.  This combination of crud and casual look made me slink though the airport avoiding eye contact with everyone, and I sat on the floor rather than have a fellow traveler next to my oozing, throbbing face. 

Of course, I know that my attitude is completely in my own hands.  I may not be able to cure the poison ivy before my meeting, but I certainly have the power to control how I react to it.  I can sit on the floor and mope, or I can take my rightful place in one of the gate area chairs and start preparing for my meeting.  I stand up, brush off my bad attitude, and sit in the closest open chair.  There is a person seated next to the cruddy side of my face, so I make a bet with myself.  If he moves, next year the family buys an artificial Christmas tree from Wal-Mart.  If he stays, then we go back to the tree farm and add poison ivy to the list of things we check for before cutting a tree down. 

He stayed.

Sometimes Life goes along smoothly, and we are able to happily make progress towards our goals.  And sometimes it doesn’t.   Those bumps in the road slow us down.  And sometimes we slow down to the point where we don’t even know if it is worth the effort to get going again.  “Sure,” you say.  “Maybe Mother Teresa kept going, but I’m certainly no Mother Teresa.”  So I’ll give you a much more down-to-earth example: myself.

I’m committed to spending two hours a day working towards my personal goals.  When things are going well, I hit that goal with no problem.  But this summer it’s been one bump after another.  My mother-in-law with dementia has been living with us for eight weeks.  Bump.  Our house had a bat infestation and a bird mite infestation. Bump bump.  My career has been on hold for six weeks as I wait for information about a promotion I am supposed to be receiving.  Bump.  The basement flooded, my administrative employee quit, and the list goes on and on.  Bump, bump, bump.  I can tell you that these bumps have absolutely slowed me down.  So how do we keep making progress when things get bumpy?

• Adjust your expectations.  When you hit those bumpy patches in Life, give yourself permission to slow down. 
• Plan to accomplish goals weekly or monthly, instead of daily.  This gives you breathing room on those really tough days.
• Celebrate all of your progress.  If you are able to hit a milestone during a bumpy patch, take the time to pat yourself on the back.
• Remember that you are writing your life story.  The hero of a good book always has obstacles to overcome. When you look back over those tough periods, you’ll be so pleased with yourself that you kept going.  And you’ll realize that you cherish those itty bitty steps you took during the hard times more than the giant strides you took during the good times.

Keep going, despite the bumps.  Sure- the average person would stop.  But you aren’t average, are you?

1. Our resolutions lack passion.  We frequently choose ones that are somthing that we feel we should do (stop smoking, save money, etc.), not something that we really want to do. 
2. We aren’t disciplined enough to carry the resolutions out. 
3. We neglect to set up a well-defined plan for making the resolution stick.
4. We lose our focus on them. 

What can be done to increase your chances of success?  First of all, make sure the resolution is something that you want very badly.  You should feel a strong emotional attachement to the goal.  That emotion and energy will help you muster up the discipline that you’ll need for the road ahead.  Your emotional attachment to your goal will override any short-term gain you will get from straying off the path.  Take time to visualize what you and your life will be like when you accomplish your goal. Do this at least one and preferably twice a day.  Make sure you determine what the steps are that you need to take to to accomplish the resolution, and put a time limit on it.

If at first you don’t succeed, try try again.  If after multiple attempts you don’t make progress, give yourself permission to let go.

Have you ever had a goal that you struggled with over and over again?  Something that you have been working on for years with spotty success?  Chances are you don’t have the passion that you need to accomplish it.  I’m not advocating “giving up”; make sure you have given your goals several honest attempts first.  But if you find yourself continually pounding your head into a wall, it might make sense to turn your body and point yourself in another direction where you can actually make progress.

Yes. I recommend “Doing Nothing.”

Christopher Robin explains how to Do Nothing in The World of Pooh by A.A. Milne. He is having a conversation with Winnie the Pooh about favorite things. When Pooh asks Christopher Robin what he likes to do best, he answers, “What I like doing best is Nothing.” “How do you do Nothing?” asked Pooh, after he had wondered for a long time. “Well, it’s when people call out at you just as you’re going off to do it, ‘what are you going to do, Christopher Robin’, and you say, ‘Oh, Nothing.’ And then you go and do it.” “Oh, I see” said Pooh. (I don’t think he did see, really.) Christopher Robin then clarified it a bit. “It means just going along, listening to all the things you can’t hear, and not bothering.”
If that explanation doesn’t help you, here are a few of my favorite ways of Doing Nothing:

* Throw rocks into the puddle in my driveway with my youngest daughter
* Crawl back into bed mid-morning on a Saturday for no reason other than it is warm and cozy
* Sit on a chair in the back yard while the kids play on the swings and let the sun warm my face
* Perch on the edge of a bed to watch one of my children sleep
* Wander around the yard and down my street after everyone goes to bed, watching the clouds race in front of the moon.

In other words, Doing Nothing.

Any of these activities put the breaks on the holiday roller coaster. They give you a chance to catch your breath, wipe your eyes, and fix your hair before the wild ride of Life continues.

 Once that door is shut, I can look forward to the journey. Sure, I’ll miss my daughter and the rest of my family like crazy. But the occasional business trip is good for the working mom. There are elegant meals that we don’t have to cook, pay for, or clean up after. There are king-sized beds with mountains of pillows that we can hog all to ourselves. And there are no small children or pets to disturb our slumber. Ahh- can’t you taste the hotel room coffee already? But before I can enjoy any of this, I have to fly to Phoenix.
     I never take the magic of flight for granted. You’ll always find me in the window seat with the shade open. Most of the people on board look like they are traveling on business. You could say that I do too, but I’m really still Mom, watching the unfolding scenery through the eyes of my children.   As the plane takes off, I am treated to a view of the fall foliage from the air. I’ve never flown in the fall before, and the colors and patterns are gorgeous. The trees are soon obstructed by thin, wispy clouds. “Cirrus clouds!” my son Cole would shout. He likes everything about weather, and I know he would love this view. The plane reaches its cruising altitude of 36,000 feet, where the clouds look like fluffy mountains. If Cole were with me, he’d be pointing at them saying, “Cumulonimbus! Wow!”
     The flight attendants serve breakfast. I save the tiny box of raisins for my daughter Sarah and the muffin for Shelby. I eat the Honey Chex cereal out of its little disposable bowl and think again of Cole. He would love this flavor. I’ll have to buy it for him when I get home.
     Outside, the clouds are now smooth and flat. They seem more like ground covered with snow than floating water vapor. A rainbow appears, looking as though it was spray painted on the clouds. The illusion continues as the plane heads west. I watch for a long time before I realize that I have absent-mindedly eaten all of the raisins. Oh well; Sarah has raisins at home. I eat the muffin too.
     I doze off with my head leaning against the window. Not for long, unfortunately – we hit turbulence. The infant a few seats away fusses, which makes me miss the kids again. I can see the reason for the bumping; we are flying over a mountain range. I decide that I would explain turbulence to the kids as being when the wind bounces off the mountains and into our plane. I have no idea if I’m right or not.
     The decent into Phoenix starts. The desert is broken up only by small lakes. They all have funny shapes; one looks like a lizard and another looks like a shark. Shelby, Cole and Sarah would have so much fun naming their shapes, like they do with clouds. The ground gets closer and soon I am watching cars travel on roads. I see a baseball field. A cactus. The wheels grab the tarmac and I imagine my children shouting “Hurray! We made it!”
     Now it is time to turn on the cell phone, grab the laptop, and put my family out of my mind for the next few hours. After all, I’m a grown-up on an important business trip. But before I do, I recall something I said to Shelby before I left.

     I recently had the opportunity to have lunch with a man that meets my definition of “successful”.  He cares about and is very involved in his family.  He is charitable.  And he is constantly growing and developing personally.  And yes, he is wealthy. 

     We discussed the role that setting and executing goals plays on one’s success.  What follows are some of the many insights he gave me during our lunch together.

• LOOK AT LIFE TEN MINUTES AT A TIME.  I’ve tried this, and I can tell you that it’s really painful.  So much of our time leaks away from us ten minutes at a time.  Identify where those holes are and plug them up so that you don’t leak time out of them anymore.

This particular entrepreneur is up every day at 5am, even though he is technically retired at the moment.  That’s something I’ve noticed about successful people- they always get up early.

• NO EXCUSES.  We all have them and know how to use them.  Successful people understand that all aspects of their business and life are ultimately their personal responsibility.  When they look in a mirror they don’t see the reflection through a mist of excuses.  They see a raw image with all of its triumphs and imperfections.  Having a “no excuses” frame of mind leads nicely into the next point, which is…
• LEARN FROM YOUR CHALLENGS.  AT THE END OF THE DAY LEAVE IT BEHIND YOU AND PRESS ON.  Accept responsibility, yes, but forgive yourself, learn from the mistakes and keep moving forward.  Remeber that we learn more from our mix-ups than we do from our successes sometimes. 

That’s another thing about successful people.  They never stop trying.  They understand that you don’t fail until you give up.  They are this way because they believe the next point,  which is…

• I AM GOING TO DO IT.  Believe in yourself and your subconscious mind will find ways to make that belief come true.  It will help you plot your course to your goals. 

The next one is one of my favorite points.  It really surprised me that he talked about it, but it sums things up so nicely…

• YOU SHOULD BE SMILING EVERY DAY OF YOUR LIFE.  Huh?  Think about it.  If you are in control of all aspects of your life and you are working dilligently towards your life’s goals, then you should be happy, shouldn’t you?  So many people go through life dissatisfied or worse, downright miserable.  If you don’t like your life, you have the power to change it.

I have one more thing about this interview that I’d like to share with you.  My meeting with this gentleman was not an accident.  I realized that in order to continue my personal growth I needed to find people with the knowledge that I was seeking.  It was uncomfortable and akward to ask him, but I just told myself I AM GOING TO DO IT and sure enough, I did!